Deadpool (2016)


The movie was great… but let me back up: It had been a stressful day and I thought, “I deserve to go see a movie! Deadpool! Yes, I have been waiting to see this one.” But to be totally honest, I wasn’t a huge fan of how slapsticky it looked. (I get it. It’s satire. It’s self-aware.) Well, it is and does a brilliant job of it! I was hopeful for all the reasons why I’m worried the Deadpool copycat movies will be not so clever. This is a Marvel movie rated R! I have been waiting for this ever since my disappointment with the first X-men movie. Wolverine kills people! Where was that shit?!

I mean, comic book movies have forever fallen flat in the cinema. The raw, powerful, sexy violence from the comic books never translated to the screen. A couple of the movies got some of the comedic moments right. For example, I loved when Spider-Man took the elevator, back when that type of subtle humor was fairly fresh. So I was excited to see that Marvel was finally getting some balls, but I was disappointed because I never followed Deadpool. (I would love to see a real Wolverine movie that takes place entirely in the snowy forests of Russia, where he’s hunting and/or evading Omega Red for a solid two hours of deadly cat and mouse. But back to Deadpool!)

Anyway, I was starving so I decided grab some “Shop House,” which, in case you are unaware, is a delicious Thai food /Chipotle style restaurant. I got a rice and chicken bowl with sliced broccoli and butternut squash — with a spicy red curry — and and some shredded papaya coleslaw, along with some toasted garlic. (I know right?! I was all stomach rumbles on my way over to the theater.) The theater is usually pretty lax on entrance security, so I confidently walked in with my crumpled paper bag as if it was just leftovers that I wasn’t really thinking about. (In hindsight, I should have used a J-crew bag.) But the dude said, “no food,” and I was all like, “Really man?” And he was all, “Yeah, I’m sorry bro.” So I walked outside and took a couple bites. (It was freezing.) I tried to stuff the rest in my jacket, but it was too obvious. So I decided to to put it up against my lower back with a solid shirt-tuck and a snug jacket zip. The guy inspected me for extra fatness on my way back in and decided that I was good to go. (I even waited in line with my back to to by snacks just to play it “extra cool!”) After finishing up my meal during the previews — as planned — I thought it was time to get into my Sour Patch kids. I was trying to be extra gentle and not open it with a vertical slit-style opening. (Nobody likes to eat candy like that!) I like a good ol’ potato chip “pull-open” style. But there was nothing, nothing, nothing, and then… SOUR PATCH KIDS EVERYWHERE! A small handful were salvaged and enjoyed. And this whole thing was possibly only witnessed by one fellow patron behind me, who was polite enough not to vocally express her judgment of me.

So… Deadpool. Ok.

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Deadpool (2016)

Batman v Superman: Dawn of Justice (2016)

batman v superman

I was so excited to see this movie. I figured that — even if it didn’t blow my mind completely — it would still be extremely entertaining. But now, 24 hours after I saw it in beautiful RealD 3D, I still can’t believe how mediocre it was. The movie wasn’t necessarily bad… but it should have been so good. I mean, for shit’s sake, we’ve got Batman, Superman, Wonder Woman (the Justice League coming together!) — along with glimpses of The Flash, Aquaman, and Cyborg — as well as Lex Luthor and Doomsday in a single film directed by one of the most visually stunning directors of our time!! How was Batman v Superman: Dawn of Justice not an utter face-melter?!?

As it so often happens, the studio simply bit off more than it could chew, attempting to fit way too much story line and character development into a two-and-a-half-hour time frame. The end result was the same as it always is: an emotionally flat film with glossed-over plot points and shallow caricatures. (I understand that Wonder Woman’s story will be fleshed out in a stand-alone movie next summer, but that didn’t help me enjoy her role in Dawn of Justice last night.) And Zack Snyder (Dawn of the Dead [2004], 300 [2006], Watchmen [2009], Sucker Punch [2011], Man of Steel [2013]), who I’ve always gone out on a limb to defend, seems to have finally lost control of the reins on the Warner Bros/DC Comics money-grab train. His gorgeous, colorful action sequences — usually done in slow motion — have devolved into incoherent, frenetically edited tornadoes of images that can barely be deciphered.

Personally, I don’t think I can keep watching these big-budget mockeries of my favorite superheroes, especially considering the fact that DC Comics has released 25 feature-length animated movies that are really cool! Why even bother with these lame live-action attempts anymore? Everything in Dawn of Justice, for example, had already been covered [better] in films like Justice League: The New Frontier (2008), Wonder Woman (2009), and Batman: The Dark Knight Returns (2012-2013).

I’m being particularly harsh on this movie because it honestly should have been better. The acting was fine — even Affleck and Eisenberg, who I normally can’t stand — but the trope-filled CGI action fails to impact its audience in any meaningful way. Roughly put: Warner Bros/DC should stop trying to be Disney/Marvel and just do its own thing.

Two pot leafs out of five:
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Batman v Superman: Dawn of Justice (2016)